Writer(s): Sammy Cahn / Jimmy Van Heusen
(from The Complete Reprise Studio Recordings, Disc 8)
With Bing Crosby, Dean Martin and Sammy Davis Jr.
(chorus) [the drunks] The rest are solos.
Booze, Mister Booze (Mister Booze), Mister Booze
Mister B double O, Z Eeee, (that sure spells booze),
You will wind up wearing tattered shoes if you mess with Mister Booze,
(Don’t mess with Mister Booze, don’t mess with Mister Booze.)
Don’t mess with B, double o, Z, E, if you’ve been so simply occupied.
You’ll feel better once you testify, (testify, testify)
[I want to testify, I want to testify]
Well, then cleanse yourself, my child, cleanse yourself.
Brothers and sisters, I happen to know this poor unfortunate soul,
And the fight she is waging against sin,
That old devil Booze has changed her
Into the unsightly person you see before you.
Give us your testimony, my child.
[Well, it all began with Johnny] (Yeah?)
[He said drink helped him stay alive] (Yeah?)
[Do you know how old he was when he died?] (No)
[He was twenty-five] (No. no)
[That’s why I gotta come clean] (why?)
[Because I’m already seventeen]
Who’s to blame? (Who’s to blame?) What his name?
(We know his name, his name is…)
Mister Booze, Mister Booze, Mister B, double O, Z, E,
Don’t ever choose, any game you play with him, you lose,
(So don’t mess with Mister Booze.)
If your head feels like it’s two miles wide,
You’ll feel better once you testify (testify, testify, testify)
[I want to testify, I want to testify]
Well, come forward, dear brother, come forward.
You see here, ladies and gentlemen, a man who just last year
Was the United States Olympic heavyweight wrestling champion,
Here he is, just a shadow of his former self, wasted in health, ravaged by sin.
Oh give us your testimony, dear brother.
[I was cruel and I was mean] he was mean!
[I was a no-gooder, pickpocket] (a no-good pickpocket)
[And then you see, sin got me in its clutches now] sin got him in his clutches,
[No. I said sin was not…] Oh, I didn’t hear the first part
[And that’s why I need forgiving] (Why?)
[‘Cause my hands shake so much now, I can’t even make love]
That’s a shame, (what a shame) who’s to blame? (Who’s to blame?)
(Mister Booze, Mister Booze, Mister B, double O, Z., E. what’s with you?)
(You’ll make the office dupe a recluse, sister, if you dance with Mister Booze.)
(If you prince with tiffless, naughty guy,)
(You’ll feel better when you testify, testify, oh yeah, testify, oh yeah, testify)
[I wanna testify. I wanna testify.]
Ah but you don’t have to. [oh but I wanna] (oh let the bum testify!)
Okay, then put down that demijohn and come up forward here,
And let us lead you on the path of righteousness. Not long ago, brothers and sisters,
This helpless soul was the foremost brain surgeon in this grand and glorious country.
Success was smiling down upon him.
Now go ahead and tell us your story. Don’t be shy.
[Let me tell. Let me tell. You see I use spirits for medicinal purposes only] (Yeah)
[I manufacture it for medicinal purposes only.] (yeah?)
[Then I started drinking what I manufactured till I drank myself]
[Out of a hell of a business for medicinal purposes only.] (That’s right)
Now, alcohol makes a big man small and can lead to life of crime.
Drinking rum makes you skin-and-bone, and you cash in before your time.
Bootleg gin for your Mickey Finn till you don’t even know your name.
You’re a basket case right on your face, there’s only one guy to blame.
(Oh Mister Booze, Mister Booze, Mister B, double O, Z, E, don’t ever queue,)
(Don’t you wind up swearing platitudes if you’re mad with Mister Booze)
(Oh, Mister Booze, Don’t mess, mess with Mr. Booze.)
Don’t mess with B, double O. Z, E, cause that spells booze.
And you gotta lose with Mi-ister Booze. (Oh Yeah).
Don’t mess around with Mister Booze.
(Don’t with Mister Booze, Don’t with Mister Booze.)
(What’s his name now, Oh Mister Booze),
(Don’t mess with Mister Booze), Oh Mister Booze, (Don’t mess with Mister Booze.)