Depend on Larry Henares to make you see ordinary things in an extraordinary way that is brilliant, logical, and outrageously funny. In his world, every person should have two mates, an old partner when he is young, and a young partner when he is old — the ballet stage is peopled by “boobless babes and fags with falsies” — US Ambassador Nicholas Platt is transformed into Kulas Platypus, an animal that could not exist except as a heavenly joke — Presidents’ relatives are subject to the Theory of Relativity and Relations, and should be drowned upon assumption of office — dead men keep antenna towers and law firms upright — the moon is the repository of unfulfilled desires, broken vows and fruitless tears — and cats own us, make our home their own, and serve as villains to Jerry, Mickey and Mighty Mouse, and Twitty the canary.
He compares the final indignity of the death of Josefa Marcos with those of Napoleon (severed dried-up penis), Thomas More (parboiled head) and other historical characters, and also of Pharaoh Ramses II whose 3,000 year-old mummy was classified by a customs inspector as “dried fish.”
He tells us of the value of credit, and how the mighty American Express lost the battle of credit cards to Visa Card. He writes of Assumption Convent as the refuge of the 12th century and the closest thing to heaven on earth. And he suggests that the Majority Floor Leader of the House be hanged for treason, impaled in his center of gravity and twirled like a propeller. He quotes the brilliant and incisive speech of Rep. Lorna Verano-Yap against the continuance of the US bases, which he helped draft.
He enumerates the bald men among Manila’s high society, and categorizes them into the completely bald (Bernie Villegas, Noel Soriano, and Nanoy Ilusorio); those with ever widening brow (Father Kinik Bernas, Jimmy Licauco and Tony Lopez of AsiaWeek); those with bald spot configured like an Arctic polar cap (Victor Lim, Doy Laurel and Christian Monsod); those who are bald down to the Tropic of Cancer, some with a lush moustache about the vicinity of the Equator or a beard down to the Tropic of Capricorn, like the Roces brothers. Also the different types of toupees and their wearers: Dolphy, Redentor Romero , Michel Lhullier, among others.
He writes of Vivien Locsin the Dragon Lady, pianist John Em Crux, US Vice President Dan Quayle the Prince of Fools, and the Swiss bankers who serve as the Black Hole of stolen wealth. And many more in this fourth book of essays from the Make My Day columns of Larry Henares Jr. The other books are “Make My Day,” “Nice and Nasty,” and “Cecilia My Love.” The fifth and sixth volumes are already finished, “Saints and Sinners” and “Tough and Tender.” Also the seventh and the eighth volumes, “Villains and Heroes” and “Light and Shadow.”